Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
