so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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