Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
