All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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