I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize