Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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