"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
