lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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