so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize