Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
