ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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