Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
