i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dear god my vagina.
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