So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
