im holly from the hills drunk
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
