My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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