oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize