she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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