Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
