I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
