dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
