Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
