Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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