I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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