Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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