and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
