Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize