Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
