so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
