IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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