Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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