ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
