she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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