i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
