I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
