when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize