Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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