It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
try to milk me bitch
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
