Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
