I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
