sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like abortions should bother me more
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize