I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize