Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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