i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
