The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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