Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Still dying that you shit outside
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
