How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
