I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize