Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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