i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Boobs are out for the taking
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
