We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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