it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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