sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
