Can i not drive my cunt home
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
