under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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