He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
