Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
