if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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