I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I lost the right to judge tonight
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
