Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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