I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I need a beard to bite.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
