Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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