Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
