Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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